Saturday, June 29, 2013
Social Security Disability review
I got my first SSDI review in the mail. Only a few questions. 'Course, my answers depend on whether or not they do a full scale review. I gave them permission to request my medical file. We'll see what happens next. All I know is this damn fibro makes it all hurt so much more and I'm sick of it!
Garden duty
I had every intention of weeding my garden today. But once I got out there, my body told me "no way lady" and I headed back in.
I know I still have it good compared to others. But I absolutely hate when the fibro dictates what I can and can not do!
I know I still have it good compared to others. But I absolutely hate when the fibro dictates what I can and can not do!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
One of those damn fibro days
I have ZERO energy today. My hands are so friggin' stiff and I need to make berry jelly today. Sometimes the process of the day just wears you out:
get berries out of fridge, go sit down, go pick ripe berries, go sit down, feed Pookie (foster kitten), go sit down, get pots and pans out, go sit down and it goes on and on.
I do have good news however. I saw my Rheumatologist yesterday and she did order a special x-ray of my knees. She also put an injection in both my shoulder muscles. Now, I wasn't too thrilled about this. It's funny now, but it sure wasn't funny yesterday!
Doc: Have we ever tried (garble garble)
Me: What's that?
Doc: Injections
Me: NO NO NO NO NO
Doc: It won't hurt
Me: NO NO
Doc: (putting her hands on my shoulders and looking right at me) C'mon, can't you let the big girl out today?
Me: Today? You want to do it today?
Doc: Yes. Now let your big girl out
Me: How big are the needles?
Doc: I'll show them to you (leaves room and comes back, shows me the needle)
Me: (voice cracking) How much of that are you sticking in me?
Doc: Just this much (very little)
Me: (Sighs heavily) Ok
She starts to spray this cold stuff on the first shoulder
Me: That's cold
Doc: I'm numbing you
Me: You are?
Doc: Did you think I was just going to jam a needle in you?
Then she jams the needle in.
Me: screaming OWWWW! as my left leg shoots straight out. I thought you said you were numbing it?
Doc: I did
Ha ha ha ha ha She then did the other shoulder but I was at least ready for it.
I also told her how angry I've been since seeing the spine specialist and being told I wasn't a good surgical candidate. I told her I couldn't stand this fibro shit. Unlike some other folks, my doctor is very kind and compassionate.
I wish every fibro infected person to have such a doctor. I hope your search is successful. I can't imagine not having my Rheumatologist.
get berries out of fridge, go sit down, go pick ripe berries, go sit down, feed Pookie (foster kitten), go sit down, get pots and pans out, go sit down and it goes on and on.
I do have good news however. I saw my Rheumatologist yesterday and she did order a special x-ray of my knees. She also put an injection in both my shoulder muscles. Now, I wasn't too thrilled about this. It's funny now, but it sure wasn't funny yesterday!
Doc: Have we ever tried (garble garble)
Me: What's that?
Doc: Injections
Me: NO NO NO NO NO
Doc: It won't hurt
Me: NO NO
Doc: (putting her hands on my shoulders and looking right at me) C'mon, can't you let the big girl out today?
Me: Today? You want to do it today?
Doc: Yes. Now let your big girl out
Me: How big are the needles?
Doc: I'll show them to you (leaves room and comes back, shows me the needle)
Me: (voice cracking) How much of that are you sticking in me?
Doc: Just this much (very little)
Me: (Sighs heavily) Ok
She starts to spray this cold stuff on the first shoulder
Me: That's cold
Doc: I'm numbing you
Me: You are?
Doc: Did you think I was just going to jam a needle in you?
Then she jams the needle in.
Me: screaming OWWWW! as my left leg shoots straight out. I thought you said you were numbing it?
Doc: I did
Ha ha ha ha ha She then did the other shoulder but I was at least ready for it.
I also told her how angry I've been since seeing the spine specialist and being told I wasn't a good surgical candidate. I told her I couldn't stand this fibro shit. Unlike some other folks, my doctor is very kind and compassionate.
I wish every fibro infected person to have such a doctor. I hope your search is successful. I can't imagine not having my Rheumatologist.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Yard day
My day started with good intentions.
1. Feed my foster kitties
2. Fix the blow up pool
3. Weed the garden
What I did: fed my foster kitties, cleaned a small area of the rug where they are at, fixed the blow up pool, spoke with the neighbors, pulled some weeds up around my back porch, let my dogs run in the back yard, picked up the never ending glass that seems to grow in the garden with each rain storm, fed my foster kitties again. When my back and right knee gave out, I decided it was time to quit.
My yard needs to be mowed. I have a few trees coming up in odd places I need to cut down. My garden looks like a yard again because of all the weeds and grass that sprung up after four days of rain. My own cats area under the house needs to be cleaned. My house needs to be cleaned.
As I sit here, my hands throb, my feet throb, my knee hurts, my lower back hurts, my neck hurts and my left shoulder hurts. My thighs feel weak.
That leaves my calves, my arms, my right shoulder and the front torso area. I'm wondering if I cut off the parts that hurt, how much with what I'd have left of my body could I get the things done that need doing.
I need a Genie in a bottle.
1. Feed my foster kitties
2. Fix the blow up pool
3. Weed the garden
What I did: fed my foster kitties, cleaned a small area of the rug where they are at, fixed the blow up pool, spoke with the neighbors, pulled some weeds up around my back porch, let my dogs run in the back yard, picked up the never ending glass that seems to grow in the garden with each rain storm, fed my foster kitties again. When my back and right knee gave out, I decided it was time to quit.
My yard needs to be mowed. I have a few trees coming up in odd places I need to cut down. My garden looks like a yard again because of all the weeds and grass that sprung up after four days of rain. My own cats area under the house needs to be cleaned. My house needs to be cleaned.
As I sit here, my hands throb, my feet throb, my knee hurts, my lower back hurts, my neck hurts and my left shoulder hurts. My thighs feel weak.
That leaves my calves, my arms, my right shoulder and the front torso area. I'm wondering if I cut off the parts that hurt, how much with what I'd have left of my body could I get the things done that need doing.
I need a Genie in a bottle.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Fibro is a Bitch!
How do you tell yourself "it doesn't hurt"? How do you convince yourself that your fibro pain isn't real? Can this be done?
I have a super wonderful rheumatologist. She's ranked one of if not THE best in North Carolina. I've had a hard time coming to terms with being diagnosed with fibromyalga. I was diagnosed in the summer of 2009. Prior to that, I had lived with degenerative disc disease for nearly twenty years.
Looking back, I can see the tell tale signs of fibro through my life. It wasn't until two years ago that it really started to affect me. My back feels completely destroyed by the pain I feel. I had twenty years to gradually get use to it deteriorating. But the fibro came on like a beast.
My rheumatologist is very patient with me. When my neck started hurting, she sent me in for an MRI. Yes, I had a bulging disc. Nice. I filed that away with my other bulging disc, herniated disc and lesions on my spine. The pain in my neck became too much to bear. So did my lower back. She sent me to a Spine Specialist.
Guess what? Nothing in my spine warrants surgery. Fibro strikes again.
My hands are always stiff. It's a struggle to get out of bed or even to stand when I've been sitting to watch a t.v. show or drive my car. She did blood tests to check everything out and make sure I didn't have a type of arthritis. Guess what? She said my innards are perfectly fine and no arthritis. Fibro strikes again.
I'm tired easily, most days have zero energy, thinking about what needs to get done around the house and yard makes me tired.
That damn fibro strikes again! And again and again!
So the last thing I want checked out are my knees. I'll know later this month just how patient she is!
I want to tell myself "it doesn't hurt as bad as you think" and then I become angry. Very angry. I want to scream "Why me? What did I do to deserve this!" but the better part of me says "put your big girl panties on and deal with it". As I'm writing this, and it's why I'm writing this, my lower back hurts so damn bad I want to scream and cry. I want to lay down on the couch and watch movies the rest of the night. But I look out my window and see my car, with the doors open, my fishing stuff sitting in the driveway, my cats being nosey and jumping in and out of my car. And I remember I had a good day yesterday. I was tired, but not much pain.
So I must tell myself it doesn't hurt so bad. Of course, I'm also waiting for my pain medication to kick in so I can go clean up the mess outside.
How do you tell yourself it doesn't hurt? How do you make yourself get the hell up and get going? How do you trust the pain you have is actual pain and not that damn fibro? Yes yes, I know fibro is pain. But it's a manipulative pain. It manipulates you into thinking you have pain when you don't. It's sending signals to your whole body that you hurt or your tired. That damn fibro is a Bitch. And if she (I say she because only a she could manipulate someone this way), would take human form, I'd kick her ass!
I have a super wonderful rheumatologist. She's ranked one of if not THE best in North Carolina. I've had a hard time coming to terms with being diagnosed with fibromyalga. I was diagnosed in the summer of 2009. Prior to that, I had lived with degenerative disc disease for nearly twenty years.
Looking back, I can see the tell tale signs of fibro through my life. It wasn't until two years ago that it really started to affect me. My back feels completely destroyed by the pain I feel. I had twenty years to gradually get use to it deteriorating. But the fibro came on like a beast.
My rheumatologist is very patient with me. When my neck started hurting, she sent me in for an MRI. Yes, I had a bulging disc. Nice. I filed that away with my other bulging disc, herniated disc and lesions on my spine. The pain in my neck became too much to bear. So did my lower back. She sent me to a Spine Specialist.
Guess what? Nothing in my spine warrants surgery. Fibro strikes again.
My hands are always stiff. It's a struggle to get out of bed or even to stand when I've been sitting to watch a t.v. show or drive my car. She did blood tests to check everything out and make sure I didn't have a type of arthritis. Guess what? She said my innards are perfectly fine and no arthritis. Fibro strikes again.
I'm tired easily, most days have zero energy, thinking about what needs to get done around the house and yard makes me tired.
That damn fibro strikes again! And again and again!
So the last thing I want checked out are my knees. I'll know later this month just how patient she is!
I want to tell myself "it doesn't hurt as bad as you think" and then I become angry. Very angry. I want to scream "Why me? What did I do to deserve this!" but the better part of me says "put your big girl panties on and deal with it". As I'm writing this, and it's why I'm writing this, my lower back hurts so damn bad I want to scream and cry. I want to lay down on the couch and watch movies the rest of the night. But I look out my window and see my car, with the doors open, my fishing stuff sitting in the driveway, my cats being nosey and jumping in and out of my car. And I remember I had a good day yesterday. I was tired, but not much pain.
So I must tell myself it doesn't hurt so bad. Of course, I'm also waiting for my pain medication to kick in so I can go clean up the mess outside.
How do you tell yourself it doesn't hurt? How do you make yourself get the hell up and get going? How do you trust the pain you have is actual pain and not that damn fibro? Yes yes, I know fibro is pain. But it's a manipulative pain. It manipulates you into thinking you have pain when you don't. It's sending signals to your whole body that you hurt or your tired. That damn fibro is a Bitch. And if she (I say she because only a she could manipulate someone this way), would take human form, I'd kick her ass!
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